Millennials and Dating

My girlfriend sent me an article about why our generation is failing at dating today. The article discussed technology, ghosting and disconnectedness. She especially related to it because of her recently ended relationship.

This article got me thinking: are Millennial’s “bad” at dating, due to our weakness at connecting on a deeper level? Or, are we simply a generation that refuses to settle, due to our independence, heightening access to the world, and wild imaginations (constantly dreaming of bigger goals, successes, and passions – always chasing the next high).

Fifty years ago, the norm was a stable marriage, happy children, and a white picket fence. That stability and “American Dream” is what the bulk of society chased. As the years wore on, we gained access to education, knowledge, power, equality, technology and the world as a whole. With this, the standard changed, or in some ways, abolished completely. Finally (and in my opinion, thankfully), individuality become accepted, and sometimes, celebrated.

Millennials found comfort in being alone. Perhaps, to some extent, we are never alone with our Instagram accounts and Netflix, but our bedrooms have become quiet and our beds have become empty. We no longer seek to fulfill the standard society laid out for us. Instead, we welcome adventure, and the world has become smaller, so men won’t chase the neighbour simply because the cease to believe a better fit might be out there.

The philosophies and social norms have changed with the generations. This may have made dating more “difficult” than the courting and and the 9 PM curfews. However, as scary as terms like “ghosting” and “bread crumbing” may be, if we are a generation that has learned to not settle for anything but extraordinary love, than did we really lose? Furthermore, if we are a generation who has learned to not only welcome, but accept independence, self-sufficiency, and on some nights (when the silence creeps in) even loneliness, then are we actually doing an injustice to dating? Or are we simply seeking justice for ourselves.

Thanks for reading, xx

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8 Lessons From My Single Year

Hi lovelies,

This month (May 28, to be exact) marks one year since I moved out of the house I purchased with the man I thought I would end up marrying. A year ago, I was laying in bed next to his sleeping body wondering “how the hell do I get out of here?”. How was I supposed to leave? He may have been distant, but he had good intentions. He may have not provided for me emotionally, but he was not a bad person. I had actively built that life with him, and then I was searching for a way to leave it.

I have been gone for one year, now settled comfortably in my own (quiet) home, and here’s a little that I’ve learned:

  • Silence can be music. An empty schedule can be the most fulfilling plans. Freedom and alone time does not have to equate to loneliness.
  • Nothing is permanent. This is both the scariest and the most comforting thing I’ve learned over the last year. This point has allowed me to appreciate connections, pain, relationships and happiness more. Everything is fleeting.
  • The little things really aren’t worth stressing about – the bitchy girl at work, the bill that comes out next Tuesday, the 2 AM date that left you crawling out of a guys bed. None of this matters – you can chose to embrace it or let it hinder you. Make it a story to share, roll with the punches, and breathe.
  • Being single allows you to completely build your life the way YOU want too. There is no compromise, there is room for selfishness. You want to move to another city? Do it. You want to get a sleeve tattoo? Do it. You want to go to a bar in a brunette wig and introduce yourself as “Katie”? Do it.
  • The best relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. Nurture that relationship first. Love that woman first.
  • Be unapologetically yourself. I spent so much time bending the basis of who I am as a person to please people. BE YOU. The right person will love you for it.
  • Appreciate genuine connections but know that they don’t need to mean forever. You are 50% of those connections – be comfortable, be carefree, be sincere and they will come by more frequently.
  • The most unsuspecting moments will become some of the most profound memories. That first dog-walking date that never produced a relationship, that back-deck conversation on a summer night…those will stick with you.
  • Become the woman you dreamt off – independent, carefree, confident.

The most dangerous thing about me is that I am my favourite company. You will have to fight me for me. – OfYesterYear

READ OF THE MONTH

Hi lovelies,

After the demise of my live-in “forever” relationship, I became lost and was looking for answers. I was gifted a book, written by Gabrielle Bernstein, called The Universe Has Your Back. Desperate for clarity, I cracked it open, and flowed through the easy-to-read brook.

the universe has your back

For those reading this that need a sense of clarity, peace, or understanding, I urge you to pick this up. I do not say this lightly, but this book changed my life. It touches on meditation, control, honouring your feelings, and the plan the universe has for you. Not necessarily always a “spirit junkie” myself, Bernstein spoke to me in a language I could understand, and through her writing, she made me feel cradled by the Universe during my own difficult time.

I have implemented Bernstein’s meditations and thoughts into my everyday life. I have allowed myself to release my control to the Universe, in belief that there is a plan greater than the one that I have for myself. This, in itself, has given me a peace of mind. I have been able to set free my anxiety, and in turn, liberate myself.

I leave with you a few of my favourite quotes by Gabrielle Bernstein:

  • “In every situation, you will have two choices: will you learn through love or will you learn from fear?”
  • “Practice saying this prayer before every encounter that triggers the shadows from your past, ‘I want to see this person for the first time'”
  • “You have the power to create the world you want to see”
  • “The key to serenity is trusting that the universe has your back”

Thanks for reading loves! What are your favourite books lately?

Speak to you soon xx,

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2017 Resolutions

Hey lovelies,

With 2016 ending and the holiday festivities winding down, I’ve finally had some time to reflect on how I want to grow this year. I figured I would share my five resolutions for 2017.

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  1. Self-love
    • In 2017, I want to commit to loving myself. As a dieter, who trains similarly to those who compete in bodybuilding competitions, I often criticize myself for weight gained here and there. I want to love myself at any size.
    • Learn to leave relationships that no longer serve me. I deserve the respect I give other people. Love myself enough to demand love back.
  2. Fitness
    • As previously stated, I’m already pretty fit. I’m comfortable in the gym, and have been for about 6-7 years now. However, I would like to add different workouts into my fitness routine (yoga, bootcamps, running, etc.) I want to constantly feel challenged instead of always being stagnant in my current routine.
  3. Spirituality
    • I always actively try to be kind to others. This year, I want to try and abolish my opinions and make an active effort to always come from a place of understanding and love.
    • Continue to have an open mind to the universe and the world around me. Continue to read and fuel myself with information in an attempt to become awakened.
  4. Career
    • Continue to excel in my schoolwork, but mostly write. I want to commit to this talent of mine and really give it my all.
  5. Relationships
    • Forgive others. This is my most important resolution. After painfully leaving a trying relationship, I often find myself with aftershock anger. I want to forgive this broken bridge, as well as any other people that I am harbouring unnecessary anger towards.
    • Forgive myself. Forgive myself for outgrowing my relationship. Forgive myself for not allowing myself to stay in my relationship. Forgive myself for hurting when I needed to hurt.

Happy New Year, everyone! What are your 2017 resolutions?!

I am sending you all of my love and positive energy going into this new year.

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My Trending Stories

Hello lovelies,

After a few difficult months of wild amounts of change, I’m starting to finally pick myself back up and get on my feet again. This began with an email from a start-up blogging company, based out of New York, offering me a position as a contributor.

For any of you that want to see my content in other areas, you can find me here:

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So grateful for all of your support and the friendships I’ve made. You haven’t lost me here, I can’t wait to get up and running with more content (first, starting with must haves from the Sephora VIB sale).

Happy blogging,

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Dear ex boyfriend;

Dear ex boyfriend,

I was asked today if we had broken up. For the first time, I was able to reply “yes we did,” without cringing or hesitation. I now know that I am ready to face the reality of my tiny world without you in it.

I was immediately caught up in our whirlwind romance – too blinded by extraordinary love to notice a single red flag. I spent my moments, kissing your cheeks, with the faint breath of intuition down my neck saying, “just one more minute”. You abolished any doubt I had that I was incapable of giving love. I loved you fiercely, with every bone of my body, out of my mind. My stomach was filled with fluttering butterflies, my eyes were filled with happy tears, and my future was filled with plans and excitement.

And then, I outgrew you. Our paths diverged and we journeyed into opposite directions, leaving our love at the fork in the road. I loved you dearly, and you broke my heart in the softest way – allowing me to walk alone, with fond memories and brilliant lessons.

You were the last face I saw at night, and the lips I kissed as the sun came up. My routine meshed into yours. You were my best friend, the love of my life. However, I am ready to explore a new life, with a new skin…with my same heart, no longer paralleled to your own.

I am finally ready to let go of you, in all of your glory, and in all of my love for you. I am ready to release you. I will never diminish the capacity of love we had for each other, due to the bitterness of a heartbreak.

For you, I wish flowerbeds of giggles and smooches. I wish late night conversations, and sleepy morning cuddles. I wish your heart beams so brightly that you cannot contain it…and a smile erupts from ear to ear. For you, I wish everything beautiful, and I wish it with somebody that can walk your path with you until the very end.

Thank you for showing me the resilience of being a woman. Thank you for showing me that my life is not defined purely by moments – not the worst ones, or the best. Thank you for showing me that I could lose a great love, yet become wholer, fuller and happier. My life does not revolve around the love I receive, but the love I give.

Once yours,

C

But he is not the sun. You are.

-Christina Yang

 

 

SELF-LOVE & Depression

I am not looking to escape my darkness, I am learning to love myself there.

-Rune Lazuli

Hi everyone!! This post may stray from my lighthearted makeup posts, but I have some things I want to share with you.

As some of you may know, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression in December. It was a dark couple of months. I had quit my job to focus on my mental health, found myself contemplating ending my life on the bathroom floor numerous times, and began hating myself for inflicting such emotional agony onto myself. These thoughts of self-hatred, anger, and pity spiralled me deeper into my depression. There was a point where I believed no amount of beauty could outweigh the tremendous pain in the world.

In an attempt to heal myself, I began expressing love and attempting to radiate kindness. I began volunteering, smiling at strangers, and taking the time to wish acquaintances happy birthday. I loved my friends unconditionally through their bad days. I lended them a hand to hold without judgement.

It was then that I relized that the only way out of my depression was to love myself through it as well. My depression was not a result of my brain trying to hurt me. My depression was my brain’s way of coping with the losses I had experienced. Depression is the way your brain copes, grieves, and, most importantly, transforms.

I didn’t have to “battle” my depression – nobody should ever have to battle themselves. I  had to accept that my brain was coping and I had to love myself through it. I had to be kind to myself, be gentle with my heart. Instead of hating myself for falling on the bathroom floor crying, I let myself sob, I cradled myself through it, and I congratulated myself when I stood back up. It was when I began to love myself, depression and all, that my depression began to subside.

My advice to you is to just love yourself through the bad days. There is nothing wrong with you just because you hurt. You are strong and you are capable and you are beautiful and YOU DESERVE YOUR OWN LOVE. For the people who struggle with depression, I had a girlfriend tell me, “The opposite must be equal”. We can feel so much hurt, but we can feel the equal intensity of love, happiness, and light.

…And then there was a moment on Tuesday where I heard the ducks quacking and saw the budding green on the trees and I thought: “moments like this outweigh the pain”.

Thanks for taking the time to read and I wish you all the beautiful light and healing xx,

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HAUNTING | MOMENTS

“I am not looking to escape my darkness, I am learning to love myself there.”

Rune Lazuli

 

For me, today is a dark day. Despite the fact that my blog is generally surrounded around beauty, I would like to discuss the darkness that is March 3rd. Today is my brother’s death anniversary.

I stayed tight-lipped about my brother’s death for too long. What makes people more uncomfortable than depression and suicide? God forbid I was the source of anyone’s discomfort. 

It wasn’t until I was curled up naked on the bathroom floor sobbing “I can’t do this anymore” when I understood the importance of speaking about the disease that took my brothers life. I suffer from the same disease – I was diagnosed with depression shortly after my mother passed away, and I have battled it ever since. For me, depression comes in waves. It debilitates me, and then subsides into remission…only to bring me to my knees again. I fight depression with all my might. I don’t want to be sick anymore. I fear, like my brother, depression will take me too.

Because of these reasons, I will speak words of love and light in my brother’s name in hopes that the stigma of depression will subside, and there will be less victims fallen to suicide.

So, here, we discuss March 3rd, which is the most haunting of days for me – the sounds of my mother banging on the kitchen counter at 4 AM and the enclosing ambulance sirens.

Today, I will remember my brother in all his glory. He was intelligent, handsome, athletic, kind and funny. He was 18. 

So, I ask you – in fact, I beg you – to speak words of kindness and love. Speak up against depression. Speak your own stories or stories of others. Just speak. Just love. And if you’re suffering too, just breathe.

As for me, I will continue to fight and I will continue to pull myself off the bathroom floor. At the end of my dark tunnel, I believe my struggle will only make me a stronger advocate for mental health.

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Neilly
Rest gently with the stars, CJT.

THOUGHT | CATALOG

I was hoping to bring you guys an exciting beauty related post today. Unfortunately, I am in bed sick after a whirlwind of a month. Instead, I wanted to share some exciting news with you guys!

I was published in Thought Catalog! Though Catalog is an incredible website which publishes works from thousands of writers. I follow them on nearly every social media platform.

I’ll link my article A Letter To My 16-Year-Old Self here. I would love if you checked it out.

I’ll be back to my normal posting once I’m feeling a little better, sorry for the delay! I miss you all and I hope you’re having a wonderful week,

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TOXIC | RELATIONSHIPS

Recently, Marissa Lace made a video (here) about toxic relationships. While I completely agree with everything she said, there is something I want to add.

Recently, I let go of an eleven year friendship with somebody I thought was going to eventually be my bridesmaid. We both held onto the relationship for a lot longer than was right for either of us.

My relationship with my long time friend wasn’t just toxic because she didn’t have my best interest at heart, but because I didn’t have her best interest at heart either. I held a lot of resentment toward her but never took the time to voice what had hurt me. The relationship was toxic for both of us, so I don’t fault her for it. Our chemistry just simply wasn’t there anymore, and we brought out the worst in each other. I was a negative version of myself while I had her in my life.

My point is, don’t leave your relationships or friendships bitter. The anger will only hold you back for finding the perfect relationship for you. Let go of the toxicity, mourn the loss, and be fluid in finding better relationships.

“…If you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face, and forgive, some very difficult realities about yourself…then truth will not be withheld from you.”

Elizabeth Gilbert

Thanks for reading, and find Marissa’s YouTube here.

If you’ve ever had a toxic relationship (friendship, etc), feel free to share,

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