8 Lessons From My Single Year

Hi lovelies,

This month (May 28, to be exact) marks one year since I moved out of the house I purchased with the man I thought I would end up marrying. A year ago, I was laying in bed next to his sleeping body wondering “how the hell do I get out of here?”. How was I supposed to leave? He may have been distant, but he had good intentions. He may have not provided for me emotionally, but he was not a bad person. I had actively built that life with him, and then I was searching for a way to leave it.

I have been gone for one year, now settled comfortably in my own (quiet) home, and here’s a little that I’ve learned:

  • Silence can be music. An empty schedule can be the most fulfilling plans. Freedom and alone time does not have to equate to loneliness.
  • Nothing is permanent. This is both the scariest and the most comforting thing I’ve learned over the last year. This point has allowed me to appreciate connections, pain, relationships and happiness more. Everything is fleeting.
  • The little things really aren’t worth stressing about – the bitchy girl at work, the bill that comes out next Tuesday, the 2 AM date that left you crawling out of a guys bed. None of this matters – you can chose to embrace it or let it hinder you. Make it a story to share, roll with the punches, and breathe.
  • Being single allows you to completely build your life the way YOU want too. There is no compromise, there is room for selfishness. You want to move to another city? Do it. You want to get a sleeve tattoo? Do it. You want to go to a bar in a brunette wig and introduce yourself as “Katie”? Do it.
  • The best relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. Nurture that relationship first. Love that woman first.
  • Be unapologetically yourself. I spent so much time bending the basis of who I am as a person to please people. BE YOU. The right person will love you for it.
  • Appreciate genuine connections but know that they don’t need to mean forever. You are 50% of those connections – be comfortable, be carefree, be sincere and they will come by more frequently.
  • The most unsuspecting moments will become some of the most profound memories. That first dog-walking date that never produced a relationship, that back-deck conversation on a summer night…those will stick with you.
  • Become the woman you dreamt off – independent, carefree, confident.

The most dangerous thing about me is that I am my favourite company. You will have to fight me for me. – OfYesterYear

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Dear ex boyfriend;

Dear ex boyfriend,

I was asked today if we had broken up. For the first time, I was able to reply “yes we did,” without cringing or hesitation. I now know that I am ready to face the reality of my tiny world without you in it.

I was immediately caught up in our whirlwind romance – too blinded by extraordinary love to notice a single red flag. I spent my moments, kissing your cheeks, with the faint breath of intuition down my neck saying, “just one more minute”. You abolished any doubt I had that I was incapable of giving love. I loved you fiercely, with every bone of my body, out of my mind. My stomach was filled with fluttering butterflies, my eyes were filled with happy tears, and my future was filled with plans and excitement.

And then, I outgrew you. Our paths diverged and we journeyed into opposite directions, leaving our love at the fork in the road. I loved you dearly, and you broke my heart in the softest way – allowing me to walk alone, with fond memories and brilliant lessons.

You were the last face I saw at night, and the lips I kissed as the sun came up. My routine meshed into yours. You were my best friend, the love of my life. However, I am ready to explore a new life, with a new skin…with my same heart, no longer paralleled to your own.

I am finally ready to let go of you, in all of your glory, and in all of my love for you. I am ready to release you. I will never diminish the capacity of love we had for each other, due to the bitterness of a heartbreak.

For you, I wish flowerbeds of giggles and smooches. I wish late night conversations, and sleepy morning cuddles. I wish your heart beams so brightly that you cannot contain it…and a smile erupts from ear to ear. For you, I wish everything beautiful, and I wish it with somebody that can walk your path with you until the very end.

Thank you for showing me the resilience of being a woman. Thank you for showing me that my life is not defined purely by moments – not the worst ones, or the best. Thank you for showing me that I could lose a great love, yet become wholer, fuller and happier. My life does not revolve around the love I receive, but the love I give.

Once yours,

C

But he is not the sun. You are.

-Christina Yang

 

 

AMERICAN | ESKIMO

It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.

– John Grogan

I am proud to say that I am the person that will cancel dinner reservations to pick up a stray dog on the side of the road. I have two sweet (and I mean extremely sweet) little babies – both under ten pounds, and both have the whole world in their tiny eyes.

On Friday, I was leaving the house to attend my dinner plans. There was an American Eskimo hopping on three legs on my driveway. I escorted him safely into my heated garage and laid on a huge comforter with him, encouraging him to eat. I was a stranger to him, yet he laid his head on my lap and looked into my eyes.

As I pet his fur, I realized how matted he was. His leg looked as if it was an old injury (perhaps a break) that was never taken care of. His eyes and nose showed signs of aging.

I rubbed his cheeks and told him, “You’re safe here.” He just continued peering into my eyes. I realized how incredible it was that he was so trusting, regardless of the hardships he had clearly been through.

I spent a few hours with him until we found his home. Had we not found his home, my house of two babies would have turned into three. Though I couldn’t make my dinner plans, my Friday night taught me an important lesson: the hurt you feel should never stop you from seeing the light in the world. 

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