Personal

Hung up on an ex?

I (regrettably) treat past relationships similarly to the death of a loved one. I’ve spent the greater part of my adult life mourning over the loss of a boyfriend. There were even times where I had been in a thriving, happy relationship, yet still (secretly) reviling from a broken heart. When I finally was capable of emotionally moving past one relationship, it seemed as if I had another one to miss. I have a difficult time coming to terms with minimizing the wonderful men that I’ve had the privilege to love to just a faint smile in the grocery store – your one time best friend becoming the epitome of a stranger, as if you never knew them at all.

One of my girl friends is now in a similar situation. She is working on letting a very long term relationship go, and she asked me what the secret is to moving passed her hurt.

Feel your hurt

I have experienced torrential loss throughout my life. I lost my brother to suicide, and my mother to cancer. However, I stand by the notion that there is no pain quite like heartbreak. It is such a unique, debilitating feeling. So, feel your hurt.

I’m convinced that part of my reason for carrying my hurt for so long is due to my fear of really feeling it at first. It was too painful, so I pushed through it…prolonging the effects. Cry, eat your weight in carbs, and when it’s time to pick yourself up, then stand back up.

Closure is bullshit

Two points for unpopular opinion. I have heard so many women saying “I just need closure”, as if their key to healing is in the hands of the person that broke their heart. At the end of the day, people will only tell you what they want to tell you – despite your pleas for “closure”.

You were in the relationship too, so you should be able to evaluate where the strengths and weaknesses fell. Find your own closure, and take the reasoning that they freely gave for face value.

Know your values

You are the only person who can set your standards. There is no “perfect” relationship, or a formula that will make everybody happy. Some people want financial stability, some people want passion and heat, some people want extraordinary love, and some people just want companionship. You have to find your match for the kind of relationship you want to have.

If you’ve met a man who has been on the search his whole life for a stay at home wife, but living that way makes you feel repressed, then you either have to compromise hugely or accept that you may just be on different paths.

A good guy does not mean that he is good for YOU

There are billions of wonderful, kind, hilarious successful men out there (I’ve had the pleasure of dating a handful of them), however just because you’ve found a good man, doesn’t mean he is a good match for you. Maybe you want different things, maybe you are on different paths, maybe timing just won’t permit the relationship right now.

Speaking of timing, do I believe that two people can eventually end up back together in a thriving, happy relationship? ABSOLUTELY! I am all for the underdog couple who came back together. However, I believe that time has to pass, pain has to heal, and lessons have to be learned before that can be successful. And in good news…if that isn’t the case for you, and one day you realize that the two of you probably won’t end up together, I believe that you’ll be in a better place, and at the point, you likely won’t care.

Which brings me to my next point…

Do not victimize, romanticize or “villianize”

Villianize – For starters, we have all been there with our girlfriends, “He was such a dick”. Sometimes it is exactly what you need to hear when you have a broken heart, but leaving a relationship with hate will keep you stuck. Leave it with love. I promise that you will find your heart more open when it is left with kindness, opposed to animosity. You probably did have bad times together, which is okay…it’s a sign that your relationship was coming to an end.

Romanticize – Now this was my FAVOURITE thing to do after a relationship. “But it was sooo good when it was good”. It was so easy to think back to the good times and the honeymoon phase, and use those memories to fuel your heartbreak. Step back and look at the big picture…good times came with the bad. Don’t lose sight of what your relationship was as a whole.

Victimize – When your heart is broken and you’re crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, it is easy to victimize yourself. Trust in the path of the universe and that you are exactly where you need to be. Eventually, one day, it really does make sense.

Analyze your ego

Okay, so this is a tough pill to swallow. Understand the power of ego and analyze what part it plays in the way you’re feeling. We all fall victim to wanting what we can’t have. What part of your grief is a bruised ego of no longer having this person pine over you?

On the other hand…when you receive a late night text from your ex, analyze what part ego is playing for them when they contact you after months. Maybe they just need the security of somebody they once loved still being on their roster.

A better door won’t open until you’ve learned to close the last one

The universe will NOT reward you for the work that you aren’t doing. Romantic relationships are some of the most powerful, influential, and yes, sometimes excruciating tools in our lifetime.

Through both love and heartbreak, you can learn so much about yourself. However, you have to put these lessons to use and learn from them in order for the universe to grant you something even better and stronger.

In the words of Elizabeth Gilbert, “if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself… then truth will not be withheld from you.”

And with that, how beautiful is it that we are taught invaluable lessons from all of the people that we once had the privilege to love? And that we have the ability to love greater, fuller, and stronger because of the part they played in your life?

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Lifestyle

HOW TO ESCAPE A RUT

I get it, and I’ve been there. I know those months where you’re simply just watching your chest as it rises and falls with air, but are lacking motivation (not to mention wild, vivid LIFE).

So how do you shake your rut, and get back to momentum? I recently made a little checklist of steps I find helpful in an attempt to pull myself out a watering hole and reset my drive.

Take it outside

It’s easy to get stagnant when you’re staring at the same four walls everyday. It’s easy to lose sight of your purpose, your values and your passions when you become too familiar with your surroundings.

Step outside – whether it is just for a brisk walk, a challenging hike, or a leisurely swim. Reacquaint yourself with nature and the wonder that our planet has to offer! By reminding yourself how vast the world is, it might help bring you back down to Earth, and see the larger picture.

Analyze your relationships

I am not a promoter of displacing your personal blame on the people around you. By no means am I suggesting that your relationships are the cause of your rut. However, it is important to evaluate the people you share your life with.

We should hold all of our relationships to the standard that we hold our romantic relationship to. Whether it is your boyfriend, your best friend, or your brother, they should encourage you to always vibrate at a higher frequency and chase your dreams! Attempt to surround yourself with people that are driven and motivated, and follow by their example. You and your tribe can celebrate each other’s triumphs!

Know your roots

When crawling out of a rut, recognize your roots. Revel at how far you have come, whether it be in terms of your career, your personality or your relationships. You are allowed to be a work in progress, but appreciate how many lightyears away you are from the little girl (or boy) that you once were.

Look at how far you’ve come as an example of how much further you can go.

Understand your comfort zone

When you hit a plateau, you may need to evaluate what is blocking you from moving forward in your journey. It’s easy to set barriers for yourself – this is called your comfort zone. Make tiny moves to step outside of your comfort zone.

“If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done.” – Thomas Jefferson

Set little goals

This point can resonate with understanding your comfort zone. Set little (achievable) goals, and celebrate when you surpass them. This exercise can help you reevaluate your comfort zone, whilst simultaneously giving you a little pat on the back when you complete a task.

A sense of accomplishment can always help push us out of our ruts, and motivate us to continue in a forward motion.

Emphasize your passion

Don’t lose sight of your strengths and your passions. Passion is the one thing that can keep us ticking when motivation and determination fade away. When the promise of a dollar is no longer incentive to push forward, evaluate how your passions play into all of your decisions.

Let me know the little tips and tricks you use to push yourself harder and further,

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Favorites, Personal

February 2018 PLAYLIST

I’m back (already) with a peek into my phenomenal music favs. Hit me up for a little singer/songwriter, some EDM…you name it, I got it (except for you metal fans – I can’t get on board with that. I’m sorry.

  • I’m Not Her by Clara Mae (brb, dancing in my panties with a glass of wine)
  • Mine by Bazzi (you so fkn’ precious when you smiiiiile)
  • We’re Going Home by Vance Joy (put it on the record: I want this to be my funeral song. With any luck, Vance Joy will be my mourning husband (love you so much))
  • The Best You Had by Nina Nesbitt (irrelevant to my current relationship but I just DWELL on the time my shitty ex-boyfriend cheated on me and dated “the other girl” after)
  • 13 and The Breakup and EVERYTHING by LANY (so glad I found this incredible team)
  • Summer Air by Italobrothers (dreaming of warmer days)
  • Never Be The Same by Camila Cabello (preach your girl-band breakaway, girl)

Okay, okay…I’m sorry. No country was included in the making of the list. In my defense, I live in Canada and it is snowy and -30 and country music is SO MUCH BETTER in a pair of daisy dukes, with a glass of iced tea on a sunny day.

Forever welcoming your song recommendations!

Happy Thursday (TOMORROW. IS. FRIDAY.)

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Lifestyle, Personal, Uncategorized

New Year, New Resolutions

2016 was a treacherous year for me. I left my live-in boyfriend…with that, came leaving my home, and one of my dogs. 2017 hit, and I was ready to start a new year leading with forgiveness, though I was still healing from my broken heart. All I asked out of 2017 was for it to hold more beginnings than it did endings.

Oh, did it ever. In 2017, I found myself in a new relationship (despite my constant urge to fight it during the first half of the year). I met men while I was single (So. Many. Men.) – each of which, came with a brilliant story, and an even better lesson. I began a new job, which both fit me and challenged me more than any of my previous positions. And lastly, I welcomed a new puppy back into the family – finally balancing my fur-children count back up to three.

2016 was excruciating, but it propelled so much growth. Now that everything has levelled back out over the past year, what goals do I want to head into 2018 with?

  • Success. Now that I’ve learned my lessons from my single year, and now that my heart has healed, I want to base my focus around being successful. In both my career and my writing. I hope to find clarity in my direction.
    • Write, write, write, write, WRITE.
  • Financial stability. Okay…Rome wasn’t built in a day so I guess it might take longer than 365 days to achieve this. But, a girl can dream.
  • Growth. 2016 was a year of growth, 2017 was a year of coasting and letting life happen TO me. In 2018, I want to strive toward growth (preferably without the broken heart this time).
  • Read. Just get lost in a good book…or ten over the year.
  • Lead with understanding instead of judgement.

What are your New Years resolutions? I wish you all the very best year.

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Lifestyle, Uncategorized

CHRISTMAS TAG

  1. What is your favourite Christmas film?
    • THE HOLIDAY…Elf, and The Grinch too, of course!

  2. What is your favourite Christmas song?
    • Merry Christmas Everyone – Shakin’ Stevens
    • Driving Home for Christmas – Jonathan Roy
    • ANYTHING from Celine Dion’s Christmas album celine.jpg
  3. Where do you spend your holiday?
    • At home, by the fire and everybody I love
  4. Have you ever had a white Christmas?
    • I live in Canada, so it’s very rare to not have a white Christmas (even though this year might not be!)
  5. Where would be your dream place to visit for Christmas?
    • New York City…without a doubtnewyork.jpg
  6. What is the best Christmas gift that you’ve ever received?
    • After my brother passed away, I claimed his baby blanket and slept with it every night. After the blanket turned about 30 years old, my mom went out and bought me a replacement. When she was diagnosed with cancer, that blanket used to sit at the foot of her hospital bed. Now, I sleep with it every night and I’m so thankful for it (I still sleep with my brother’s blanket too…not ready to retire that one either).
  7. Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts?
    • I like the spirit of gifting. I love wrapping the gift and tearing it open. What is inside of the gift doesn’t have as much value to me as watching somebody I love pick apart the beautiful wrap job!
  8. Is your Christmas tree real or fake?
    • Fake! Because I put my tree up way too early for it to be real.
  9. What is one thing you asked for this year?
    • A puppy…and she came three weeks early. Her name is Benny and she is beautiful!
    • benny.JPG
  10. What is your favourite type of Christmas treat?
  • I love ham for Christmas dinner! I also love a good eggnog drink!

 

SIX DAYS! Can you believe it? 

Merry Christmas, lovelies!

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Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Holiday Date Ideas

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Whether you’re in a relationship or casually dating or committing to some single-time and looking to enjoy some Christmas cheer with your girlfriends, I have come up for a list for you to check off this holiday season!

  • Volunteer! – in Edmonton (Alberta, Canada…brrrr), we have an organisation that puts on a toy delivery for families in need. I did it this past weekend and it was worth every minute of my Sunday.
  • Sleigh ride – bundle up
  • Drive around and look at Christmas lights – go and look at the neighbours hard work
  • Christmas concert – whether it’s your children’s, a church, or one by the local theatre
    • Edmonton had The Singing Christmas Tree this past weekend and it was divine – if you’re in the area, add it to your TO-DO list for next Christmas

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  • Christmas movie binge watch 
    • See my last post of Christmas movie recommendations here.
  • Ugly sweater Christmas party

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  • Build a gingerbread house – do we ever get too old for this?

What are some things that you do for the holiday season?

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Lifestyle, Uncategorized

8 Perfect Autumn Dates

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The leaves are changing, and the days are filling with that crisp fall air. As I kiss goodbye my perfect summer, I’m getting ready to embrace the cooler days and pretty colours with one of my favourite people in the whole world. Here’s a list of some of the perfect ways you can spend your fall with your significant other, friends or just you:

  1. Pumpkin patch! Get lost in a sea of orange and children’s smiling faces.
  2. A leisurely walk through the forest. Share stories about the wild things you saw on your weekly trip to Walmart whilst hearing your feet crunch on leaves.
  3. Raking – hear me out here. In a desperate attempt to make housework sound sexy, it really could be a nice way to spend a Sunday afternoon.
  4. Corn maze. Aren’t we actually all just children in an adult world? Besides, doesn’t it sound romantic to get lost in a literal maze of corn, eventually to only find yourself amongst a group of teenagers smoking a doobie?
  5. Haunted house. Holding hands while a sadistic masked man jumps out of the darkness (I do not recommend doing this one alone).
  6. Pumpkin carving. Please be careful, there is nothing sexy about an ER visit.
  7. Shop your Farmer’s Market. This is a perfect chilly Sunday idea. Overpriced apples, yes…but priceless memories.
  8. Just. Snuggle. Up. Bath and Body Works LEAVES candle highly suggested. Bonus points if you have a fireplace. Cardigan, CHECK. Cozy socks, CHECK. Let’s. Get. It. On.

 

Have a safe and lovely fall, to all of my singles and my not-so-singles. I hope you all enjoy the season regardless of where you are in the world.

Sending my love to you always,

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