Millennials and Dating

My girlfriend sent me an article about why our generation is failing at dating today. The article discussed technology, ghosting and disconnectedness. She especially related to it because of her recently ended relationship.

This article got me thinking: are Millennial’s “bad” at dating, due to our weakness at connecting on a deeper level? Or, are we simply a generation that refuses to settle, due to our independence, heightening access to the world, and wild imaginations (constantly dreaming of bigger goals, successes, and passions – always chasing the next high).

Fifty years ago, the norm was a stable marriage, happy children, and a white picket fence. That stability and “American Dream” is what the bulk of society chased. As the years wore on, we gained access to education, knowledge, power, equality, technology and the world as a whole. With this, the standard changed, or in some ways, abolished completely. Finally (and in my opinion, thankfully), individuality become accepted, and sometimes, celebrated.

Millennials found comfort in being alone. Perhaps, to some extent, we are never alone with our Instagram accounts and Netflix, but our bedrooms have become quiet and our beds have become empty. We no longer seek to fulfill the standard society laid out for us. Instead, we welcome adventure, and the world has become smaller, so men won’t chase the neighbour simply because the cease to believe a better fit might be out there.

The philosophies and social norms have changed with the generations. This may have made dating more “difficult” than the courting and and the 9 PM curfews. However, as scary as terms like “ghosting” and “bread crumbing” may be, if we are a generation that has learned to not settle for anything but extraordinary love, than did we really lose? Furthermore, if we are a generation who has learned to not only welcome, but accept independence, self-sufficiency, and on some nights (when the silence creeps in) even loneliness, then are we actually doing an injustice to dating? Or are we simply seeking justice for ourselves.

Thanks for reading, xx

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A Mother’s Day Letter to My Late Mom

As everyone is brunching, spa-ing, shopping, and laughing with their mothers, I’m comfortably in bed, remembering you and how safe the world was when you were next to me.

I would give anything for five minutes just to ask you how you’ve been. I want to tell you about all you’ve missed, while you’ve been on the greatest vacation of all time. Did you see me? Did you see my heartbreak, did you see when I spoke fiercely the same way you did, did you see the party I threw for dad?

Mother’s Day became so bittersweet when you left us. My heart breaks when I wish so terribly that you were here. I wish with every ounce of my being that we became the mother and daughter, doubled in age, sitting on the park bench together. I wish that life had allowed us to have more time together than my troubled teenage years. I wish that when I become a mother, you would be my late night call pleading, “mom, I can’t get him to stop crying!” I wish that you were going to be next to me on my wedding day. I wish I could drive to your house in the morning for coffee, the same way you did with your mom. I wish I didn’t have moments of feeling like I was robbed of my time with you.

You gave me some of the best of your days. You gave me your Christmas-morning smile (where you turned into a kid again). You gave me your old-soul advice that I will carry with me throughout my life. You gave me your loopy wine-drunk (rarely, but hilariously). You gave me your vulnerability, and you gave me your fierceness. You gave me my whole world, literally and metaphorically, and you gave me – you created – the woman I am today…the woman moulded, taught, and loved by you.

Happy Mother’s Day to my ma, who taught me all about life, even through her death. On a day that’s meant to be full of gifts and celebrations for you, I feel as though I have received the ultimate gift – being your daughter.

I love you THIS much – to the moon,

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8 Lessons From My Single Year

Hi lovelies,

This month (May 28, to be exact) marks one year since I moved out of the house I purchased with the man I thought I would end up marrying. A year ago, I was laying in bed next to his sleeping body wondering “how the hell do I get out of here?”. How was I supposed to leave? He may have been distant, but he had good intentions. He may have not provided for me emotionally, but he was not a bad person. I had actively built that life with him, and then I was searching for a way to leave it.

I have been gone for one year, now settled comfortably in my own (quiet) home, and here’s a little that I’ve learned:

  • Silence can be music. An empty schedule can be the most fulfilling plans. Freedom and alone time does not have to equate to loneliness.
  • Nothing is permanent. This is both the scariest and the most comforting thing I’ve learned over the last year. This point has allowed me to appreciate connections, pain, relationships and happiness more. Everything is fleeting.
  • The little things really aren’t worth stressing about – the bitchy girl at work, the bill that comes out next Tuesday, the 2 AM date that left you crawling out of a guys bed. None of this matters – you can chose to embrace it or let it hinder you. Make it a story to share, roll with the punches, and breathe.
  • Being single allows you to completely build your life the way YOU want too. There is no compromise, there is room for selfishness. You want to move to another city? Do it. You want to get a sleeve tattoo? Do it. You want to go to a bar in a brunette wig and introduce yourself as “Katie”? Do it.
  • The best relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. Nurture that relationship first. Love that woman first.
  • Be unapologetically yourself. I spent so much time bending the basis of who I am as a person to please people. BE YOU. The right person will love you for it.
  • Appreciate genuine connections but know that they don’t need to mean forever. You are 50% of those connections – be comfortable, be carefree, be sincere and they will come by more frequently.
  • The most unsuspecting moments will become some of the most profound memories. That first dog-walking date that never produced a relationship, that back-deck conversation on a summer night…those will stick with you.
  • Become the woman you dreamt off – independent, carefree, confident.

The most dangerous thing about me is that I am my favourite company. You will have to fight me for me. – OfYesterYear

The Hometown

In just a couple short days, I am set to take a road trip to my hometown. I’m anticipating sitting on the lakeside benches, staring out at the quiet, frozen lake. In summer, my hometown is a tourist attraction. In winter, it is a sleepy little ghost town, with nothing but imagined echoes of splashing children, broken curfews of the town’s teens, and frisbee in the wading water.

But to me, year round, this tiny little town has always been, and will always be, home. On many occasions, I have found a broken C running back to her roots, looking for enlightenment. It was just recently that I realized how big of a paradox this is. It is my safe haven, a population that can fill me of bliss. This is something I have never understood, as it holds my deepest struggles, and my most profound pains.

Isn’t it funny how the most haunting of places can still be the most comforting? I can still see a younger version of me playing with my mom in our back yard, and a freshly adolescent me skipping class with my forever best friend. I can still picture barbecues on the back deck on a hot summer day, during the simpler times. Wherever I end up in this world, I will always return home.

Ironically though, this sleepy little town still houses a steady bang on the counter when my mother read my brother’s suicide note. This sleepy little town still holds a seven year old creeping out of her room to see chaos, and to hear the enclosing sound of ambulance sirens. This sleepy little town owns my innocence being ripped from me when I learned the definition of “suicide” as it was being followed by my brother’s name. This sleepy little town takes ownership for my increasing inability to fall in love, in fear of being betrayed and abandoned, just like I was so many years ago.

Yet, I will go back this weekend, and will peer out at the frozen lake, with the huts of ice fishers. I will once again go back and ask the water: What is my next move? Where do I go from here? And like so many times before, a seven year old C will appear beside me, and I will feel whole again. If only for a moment.

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My Trending Stories

Hello lovelies,

After a few difficult months of wild amounts of change, I’m starting to finally pick myself back up and get on my feet again. This began with an email from a start-up blogging company, based out of New York, offering me a position as a contributor.

For any of you that want to see my content in other areas, you can find me here:

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So grateful for all of your support and the friendships I’ve made. You haven’t lost me here, I can’t wait to get up and running with more content (first, starting with must haves from the Sephora VIB sale).

Happy blogging,

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Dear ex boyfriend;

Dear ex boyfriend,

I was asked today if we had broken up. For the first time, I was able to reply “yes we did,” without cringing or hesitation. I now know that I am ready to face the reality of my tiny world without you in it.

I was immediately caught up in our whirlwind romance – too blinded by extraordinary love to notice a single red flag. I spent my moments, kissing your cheeks, with the faint breath of intuition down my neck saying, “just one more minute”. You abolished any doubt I had that I was incapable of giving love. I loved you fiercely, with every bone of my body, out of my mind. My stomach was filled with fluttering butterflies, my eyes were filled with happy tears, and my future was filled with plans and excitement.

And then, I outgrew you. Our paths diverged and we journeyed into opposite directions, leaving our love at the fork in the road. I loved you dearly, and you broke my heart in the softest way – allowing me to walk alone, with fond memories and brilliant lessons.

You were the last face I saw at night, and the lips I kissed as the sun came up. My routine meshed into yours. You were my best friend, the love of my life. However, I am ready to explore a new life, with a new skin…with my same heart, no longer paralleled to your own.

I am finally ready to let go of you, in all of your glory, and in all of my love for you. I am ready to release you. I will never diminish the capacity of love we had for each other, due to the bitterness of a heartbreak.

For you, I wish flowerbeds of giggles and smooches. I wish late night conversations, and sleepy morning cuddles. I wish your heart beams so brightly that you cannot contain it…and a smile erupts from ear to ear. For you, I wish everything beautiful, and I wish it with somebody that can walk your path with you until the very end.

Thank you for showing me the resilience of being a woman. Thank you for showing me that my life is not defined purely by moments – not the worst ones, or the best. Thank you for showing me that I could lose a great love, yet become wholer, fuller and happier. My life does not revolve around the love I receive, but the love I give.

Once yours,

C

But he is not the sun. You are.

-Christina Yang

 

 

SELF-LOVE & Depression

I am not looking to escape my darkness, I am learning to love myself there.

-Rune Lazuli

Hi everyone!! This post may stray from my lighthearted makeup posts, but I have some things I want to share with you.

As some of you may know, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression in December. It was a dark couple of months. I had quit my job to focus on my mental health, found myself contemplating ending my life on the bathroom floor numerous times, and began hating myself for inflicting such emotional agony onto myself. These thoughts of self-hatred, anger, and pity spiralled me deeper into my depression. There was a point where I believed no amount of beauty could outweigh the tremendous pain in the world.

In an attempt to heal myself, I began expressing love and attempting to radiate kindness. I began volunteering, smiling at strangers, and taking the time to wish acquaintances happy birthday. I loved my friends unconditionally through their bad days. I lended them a hand to hold without judgement.

It was then that I relized that the only way out of my depression was to love myself through it as well. My depression was not a result of my brain trying to hurt me. My depression was my brain’s way of coping with the losses I had experienced. Depression is the way your brain copes, grieves, and, most importantly, transforms.

I didn’t have to “battle” my depression – nobody should ever have to battle themselves. I  had to accept that my brain was coping and I had to love myself through it. I had to be kind to myself, be gentle with my heart. Instead of hating myself for falling on the bathroom floor crying, I let myself sob, I cradled myself through it, and I congratulated myself when I stood back up. It was when I began to love myself, depression and all, that my depression began to subside.

My advice to you is to just love yourself through the bad days. There is nothing wrong with you just because you hurt. You are strong and you are capable and you are beautiful and YOU DESERVE YOUR OWN LOVE. For the people who struggle with depression, I had a girlfriend tell me, “The opposite must be equal”. We can feel so much hurt, but we can feel the equal intensity of love, happiness, and light.

…And then there was a moment on Tuesday where I heard the ducks quacking and saw the budding green on the trees and I thought: “moments like this outweigh the pain”.

Thanks for taking the time to read and I wish you all the beautiful light and healing xx,

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HAUNTING | MOMENTS

“I am not looking to escape my darkness, I am learning to love myself there.”

Rune Lazuli

 

For me, today is a dark day. Despite the fact that my blog is generally surrounded around beauty, I would like to discuss the darkness that is March 3rd. Today is my brother’s death anniversary.

I stayed tight-lipped about my brother’s death for too long. What makes people more uncomfortable than depression and suicide? God forbid I was the source of anyone’s discomfort. 

It wasn’t until I was curled up naked on the bathroom floor sobbing “I can’t do this anymore” when I understood the importance of speaking about the disease that took my brothers life. I suffer from the same disease – I was diagnosed with depression shortly after my mother passed away, and I have battled it ever since. For me, depression comes in waves. It debilitates me, and then subsides into remission…only to bring me to my knees again. I fight depression with all my might. I don’t want to be sick anymore. I fear, like my brother, depression will take me too.

Because of these reasons, I will speak words of love and light in my brother’s name in hopes that the stigma of depression will subside, and there will be less victims fallen to suicide.

So, here, we discuss March 3rd, which is the most haunting of days for me – the sounds of my mother banging on the kitchen counter at 4 AM and the enclosing ambulance sirens.

Today, I will remember my brother in all his glory. He was intelligent, handsome, athletic, kind and funny. He was 18. 

So, I ask you – in fact, I beg you – to speak words of kindness and love. Speak up against depression. Speak your own stories or stories of others. Just speak. Just love. And if you’re suffering too, just breathe.

As for me, I will continue to fight and I will continue to pull myself off the bathroom floor. At the end of my dark tunnel, I believe my struggle will only make me a stronger advocate for mental health.

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Neilly
Rest gently with the stars, CJT.

TOXIC | RELATIONSHIPS

Recently, Marissa Lace made a video (here) about toxic relationships. While I completely agree with everything she said, there is something I want to add.

Recently, I let go of an eleven year friendship with somebody I thought was going to eventually be my bridesmaid. We both held onto the relationship for a lot longer than was right for either of us.

My relationship with my long time friend wasn’t just toxic because she didn’t have my best interest at heart, but because I didn’t have her best interest at heart either. I held a lot of resentment toward her but never took the time to voice what had hurt me. The relationship was toxic for both of us, so I don’t fault her for it. Our chemistry just simply wasn’t there anymore, and we brought out the worst in each other. I was a negative version of myself while I had her in my life.

My point is, don’t leave your relationships or friendships bitter. The anger will only hold you back for finding the perfect relationship for you. Let go of the toxicity, mourn the loss, and be fluid in finding better relationships.

“…If you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face, and forgive, some very difficult realities about yourself…then truth will not be withheld from you.”

Elizabeth Gilbert

Thanks for reading, and find Marissa’s YouTube here.

If you’ve ever had a toxic relationship (friendship, etc), feel free to share,

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FOR | BLOG-FRIENDS

I feel like I’ve hit a minor milestone in my blog, and I am quite excited about it. Blogging has already given me a sense of unity. I have met some of you who share similar interests or stories, which makes me feel a little less alone.

I love sharing my makeup reviews and my music preferences with you all, however, there is more to me than just that. I do want us all to get to know each other on a deeper level as well.

If you have a moment, I would love it if you would check out my Tribute page. It’ll help you get to know me a little better.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my posts and to comment. You have already enriched my life. If you’re interested, feel free to add me on Instagram. I would love to share my life in photos with you, and see your beautiful faces!

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