Personal

Hung up on an ex?

I (regrettably) treat past relationships similarly to the death of a loved one. I’ve spent the greater part of my adult life mourning over the loss of a boyfriend. There were even times where I had been in a thriving, happy relationship, yet still (secretly) reviling from a broken heart. When I finally was capable of emotionally moving past one relationship, it seemed as if I had another one to miss. I have a difficult time coming to terms with minimizing the wonderful men that I’ve had the privilege to love to just a faint smile in the grocery store – your one time best friend becoming the epitome of a stranger, as if you never knew them at all.

One of my girl friends is now in a similar situation. She is working on letting a very long term relationship go, and she asked me what the secret is to moving passed her hurt.

Feel your hurt

I have experienced torrential loss throughout my life. I lost my brother to suicide, and my mother to cancer. However, I stand by the notion that there is no pain quite like heartbreak. It is such a unique, debilitating feeling. So, feel your hurt.

I’m convinced that part of my reason for carrying my hurt for so long is due to my fear of really feeling it at first. It was too painful, so I pushed through it…prolonging the effects. Cry, eat your weight in carbs, and when it’s time to pick yourself up, then stand back up.

Closure is bullshit

Two points for unpopular opinion. I have heard so many women saying “I just need closure”, as if their key to healing is in the hands of the person that broke their heart. At the end of the day, people will only tell you what they want to tell you – despite your pleas for “closure”.

You were in the relationship too, so you should be able to evaluate where the strengths and weaknesses fell. Find your own closure, and take the reasoning that they freely gave for face value.

Know your values

You are the only person who can set your standards. There is no “perfect” relationship, or a formula that will make everybody happy. Some people want financial stability, some people want passion and heat, some people want extraordinary love, and some people just want companionship. You have to find your match for the kind of relationship you want to have.

If you’ve met a man who has been on the search his whole life for a stay at home wife, but living that way makes you feel repressed, then you either have to compromise hugely or accept that you may just be on different paths.

A good guy does not mean that he is good for YOU

There are billions of wonderful, kind, hilarious successful men out there (I’ve had the pleasure of dating a handful of them), however just because you’ve found a good man, doesn’t mean he is a good match for you. Maybe you want different things, maybe you are on different paths, maybe timing just won’t permit the relationship right now.

Speaking of timing, do I believe that two people can eventually end up back together in a thriving, happy relationship? ABSOLUTELY! I am all for the underdog couple who came back together. However, I believe that time has to pass, pain has to heal, and lessons have to be learned before that can be successful. And in good news…if that isn’t the case for you, and one day you realize that the two of you probably won’t end up together, I believe that you’ll be in a better place, and at the point, you likely won’t care.

Which brings me to my next point…

Do not victimize, romanticize or “villianize”

Villianize – For starters, we have all been there with our girlfriends, “He was such a dick”. Sometimes it is exactly what you need to hear when you have a broken heart, but leaving a relationship with hate will keep you stuck. Leave it with love. I promise that you will find your heart more open when it is left with kindness, opposed to animosity. You probably did have bad times together, which is okay…it’s a sign that your relationship was coming to an end.

Romanticize – Now this was my FAVOURITE thing to do after a relationship. “But it was sooo good when it was good”. It was so easy to think back to the good times and the honeymoon phase, and use those memories to fuel your heartbreak. Step back and look at the big picture…good times came with the bad. Don’t lose sight of what your relationship was as a whole.

Victimize – When your heart is broken and you’re crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, it is easy to victimize yourself. Trust in the path of the universe and that you are exactly where you need to be. Eventually, one day, it really does make sense.

Analyze your ego

Okay, so this is a tough pill to swallow. Understand the power of ego and analyze what part it plays in the way you’re feeling. We all fall victim to wanting what we can’t have. What part of your grief is a bruised ego of no longer having this person pine over you?

On the other hand…when you receive a late night text from your ex, analyze what part ego is playing for them when they contact you after months. Maybe they just need the security of somebody they once loved still being on their roster.

A better door won’t open until you’ve learned to close the last one

The universe will NOT reward you for the work that you aren’t doing. Romantic relationships are some of the most powerful, influential, and yes, sometimes excruciating tools in our lifetime.

Through both love and heartbreak, you can learn so much about yourself. However, you have to put these lessons to use and learn from them in order for the universe to grant you something even better and stronger.

In the words of Elizabeth Gilbert, “if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself… then truth will not be withheld from you.”

And with that, how beautiful is it that we are taught invaluable lessons from all of the people that we once had the privilege to love? And that we have the ability to love greater, fuller, and stronger because of the part they played in your life?

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Favorites, Personal

SUMMER DATE IDEAS

Hello lovelies,

For all of my people in the Western hemisphere, I hope summer is treating you well and that you’re getting plenty of well-SPF’ed sunshine! I know that summer is one of the most romantic seasons (whether you’re in a long-term relationship or playing the singles game), so I came up with a list of summer date ideas that’ll be worth checking out this season.

Hiking

  • Okay, so I’m a little biased, and I live only 3 minutes away from Jasper and the Great Canadian Rockies! Sothroughout the summer, you can frequently find me hiking up a mountain. However, if you don’t have easy access to the mountains, you can still hike local trails!action-adventure-alps-238622.jpg

Beach days

  • Okay, so there might not be too many things more relaxing than a beach date with your beau. Rent a canoe, paddle board or kayaks to make the day a little more adventurous! Or even catch the sunset on the water.

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Local/county fair

  • Go walk the county fair, appreciate the street performers, snack on some cotton candy, win a teddy bear and MOST DEFINITELY take a romantic trip for two around the ferris wheel.
  • Speaking of ferris wheel – I NEED TO GO TO BRIGHTON.

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Volunteer

  • I know that majority of non-profit organizations are looking for volunteers, and not to mention – ANIMAL SHELTERS! I volunteer at one of the local shelters in Edmonton, Alberta and I love it. Spend your date day making the world a better place!
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Berry Picking

  • I know in Canada, we have lots of farmers that let people come through with buckets and pick berries, apples, vegetables, etc. Pinpoint a warm evening to do this with your handsome beau.

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Wine tasting

  • This is for my 18+ (or 21+ in the USA) peeps, but a wine tasting date is a great idea! Book a wine tour, and sip on some alcohol in the summer sun
  • Not to mention, is there any very more beautiful than a vineyard?

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Star gazing

  • All I’m saying, is that your boyfriend has a pickup truck, then lay down a blanket and drive out to a remote location. Pop some bubbly and just lay there and look at the BEAUTIFUL NIGHT SKY!

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Driving range

  • Go hit some balls and show that you’re a good sport! Besides, he can wrap his arms around you.

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Let me know if you have any additional date ideas for the summer? I’ll be using them for me and mine!

Happy sunshine and summertime,

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Lifestyle, Uncategorized

8 Perfect Autumn Dates

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The leaves are changing, and the days are filling with that crisp fall air. As I kiss goodbye my perfect summer, I’m getting ready to embrace the cooler days and pretty colours with one of my favourite people in the whole world. Here’s a list of some of the perfect ways you can spend your fall with your significant other, friends or just you:

  1. Pumpkin patch! Get lost in a sea of orange and children’s smiling faces.
  2. A leisurely walk through the forest. Share stories about the wild things you saw on your weekly trip to Walmart whilst hearing your feet crunch on leaves.
  3. Raking – hear me out here. In a desperate attempt to make housework sound sexy, it really could be a nice way to spend a Sunday afternoon.
  4. Corn maze. Aren’t we actually all just children in an adult world? Besides, doesn’t it sound romantic to get lost in a literal maze of corn, eventually to only find yourself amongst a group of teenagers smoking a doobie?
  5. Haunted house. Holding hands while a sadistic masked man jumps out of the darkness (I do not recommend doing this one alone).
  6. Pumpkin carving. Please be careful, there is nothing sexy about an ER visit.
  7. Shop your Farmer’s Market. This is a perfect chilly Sunday idea. Overpriced apples, yes…but priceless memories.
  8. Just. Snuggle. Up. Bath and Body Works LEAVES candle highly suggested. Bonus points if you have a fireplace. Cardigan, CHECK. Cozy socks, CHECK. Let’s. Get. It. On.

 

Have a safe and lovely fall, to all of my singles and my not-so-singles. I hope you all enjoy the season regardless of where you are in the world.

Sending my love to you always,

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Lifestyle, Personal, Uncategorized

Millennials and Dating

My girlfriend sent me an article about why our generation is failing at dating today. The article discussed technology, ghosting and disconnectedness. She especially related to it because of her recently ended relationship.

This article got me thinking: are Millennial’s “bad” at dating, due to our weakness at connecting on a deeper level? Or, are we simply a generation that refuses to settle, due to our independence, heightening access to the world, and wild imaginations (constantly dreaming of bigger goals, successes, and passions – always chasing the next high).

Fifty years ago, the norm was a stable marriage, happy children, and a white picket fence. That stability and “American Dream” is what the bulk of society chased. As the years wore on, we gained access to education, knowledge, power, equality, technology and the world as a whole. With this, the standard changed, or in some ways, abolished completely. Finally (and in my opinion, thankfully), individuality become accepted, and sometimes, celebrated.

Millennials found comfort in being alone. Perhaps, to some extent, we are never alone with our Instagram accounts and Netflix, but our bedrooms have become quiet and our beds have become empty. We no longer seek to fulfill the standard society laid out for us. Instead, we welcome adventure, and the world has become smaller, so men won’t chase the neighbour simply because the cease to believe a better fit might be out there.

The philosophies and social norms have changed with the generations. This may have made dating more “difficult” than the courting and and the 9 PM curfews. However, as scary as terms like “ghosting” and “bread crumbing” may be, if we are a generation that has learned to not settle for anything but extraordinary love, than did we really lose? Furthermore, if we are a generation who has learned to not only welcome, but accept independence, self-sufficiency, and on some nights (when the silence creeps in) even loneliness, then are we actually doing an injustice to dating? Or are we simply seeking justice for ourselves.

Thanks for reading, xx

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